Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Monday, March 09, 2009

Sing, Dance and Laugh at Strange People

Hittin up the Coldplay concert on Thursday night, and im pretty pumped for it.. there are heaps of things to look forward to at this concert, but my main point of enjoyment comes from a little left field. but my concert experience is only complete with one thing.
Youngos' Only Requirement for a Good Concert: struggling to breathe while laughing at those strange strange people who somehow managed to con security into believing they were really humans and entered the dance floor to everyones despair. you all know the people. their eyes are permanently fixed in opposite directions, they clear a 12 metre radius around them and they start drooling all over everyone. so often i forget the band and just spend half the concert watching these great sources of entertainment.

im banking on one for coldplay.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

get lost!

this week, i was shocked by the comment of a previously close friend.
i was once again ranting about the ridiculous obsessions of emo teenage children with myspace. this so-called friend then asked why I enjoyed the world of blogging and after giving them a variety of reasons, they proceeded to confront me with the most abusive statement i have ever heard.

"but blogging is just the same as having a myspace."

no, it is not.

here are some reasons, it is a scientific fact:

1) The average age and IQ of a myspacer are generally equal. a blogger's IQ usually goes by the formulae "IQ = 135 + Months on Blogger"

2) A blogger does not write a list of, on average, 495 interests in the hope that their soulmate will track them down by incredibly matching up to 83% of them. some of the things people are "interested" in include: movies, music, talking with friends. really narrows it down.

3) Bloggers do not have bands as friends.

I then continued to surf the net, and came across some studies which in my mind, clarified the situation.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


i have a problem with environmentalists. while the majority of them lack any economic direction, they also seem to have been singled out from birth to not possess any form of intelligence. i totally believe in saving trees (although ive bent a few in my time) and saving this planet from total environmental destruction - economic concessions need to be made. but here is the problem:

"Free Enterprise really means rich people have the freedom to exploit and psychologically rape their fellow human beings . . . Capitalism is destroying the earth" ( Helen Caldicott )

great. let me remind you of something Helen. you can't change anything. capitalism has taken over. and what do environmentalists like you do. kick and scream, hoping that for some reason everyone will remarkably realise that they need to cease all activity that contributes to the slow decline of our earth. in doing this, you assume that everybody will be content when consumption and investment fizzles down to zero and we retrace our steps back into the stone age. throw away technology, leave our jobs to become farmers and plebs, resort to walking around. what is scary about this? her fellow greenies agree!

Pentti Linkola, an idiot, said.. Everything we have developed over the last 100 years should be destroyed.

you are just a genius arent you.

while some of these freaks believe that their theories will be easily achievable, some of the more conservative contingent suggest other alternatives than a mass worldwide bombing to slow down consumption. they would rather combat pollution and increasing population (leading to consumption over the environmentally sustainable level) in a far more practical way.

"cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation." ( Lyall Watson )

thanks Lyall, I always had a feeling Hannibal Lecter knew the solution to all our problems.

bunch of losers.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

max brenner must die

its past midnight. im awake and pretty annoyed about it. the fact is that I just spent 2 hours at the "house of diabetes", also known as max brenner. i have a number of problems with this place where people go in the belief that chocolate will add something to your life other than weight:

1. you have to buy at least $15 worth of chocolate if you want to use eftpos. this is initially frustrating because most things in the menu are $7.40, which means you end up having to purchase 3 items, which generally decrease your life expectancy by 8 years per item. seeing as i have been there three times in the past month, there is a slim chance i will live past 30.

2. your selection of food and drink is severely hampered by the retard of a marketer they have employed. every item you can buy has a gay piece of alliteration for a name, which does not describe the product in the slightest. you usually end up getting a drink when you thought you were gettin a waffle with strawberries. sometimes you even get the chocolate frog.

3. people laugh loud. it makes it hard to concentrate on eating/creating comedy.

4. too many girls.

5. theres no tv with fox sports news on it, an essential in any social venue.

6. and the most annoying, you always bump into someone you havent seen in about 3 years and were hoping to avoid for the next 35.

i say next time we hit up oporto.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Thursday, April 19, 2007


horses are incredibly intelligent creatures, but i think this one didn't quite make the cut. i struggle to comprehend what was going through its mind - what convinced the him that this was a good idea? i like the streamline effect achieved with the dive though..

even more entertaining is thinking how frustrating this would be for the driver. he was probably in a bit of a rush to get somewhere, only to be stopped when a horse jumped through his windscreen. cmon, seriously. i know if this happened to me i would probably make the unlikely switch to cityrail, where hopefully mentally unstable horses have not yet begun to ambush the train tracks.

i have heard many people trying to explain how they weren't at fault in the accidents they have had... well unless a horse jumped through your windscreen, i dont want to hear about it.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

an anticipated return

a sudden burst of inspiration, mainly driven by the rising popularity of lachlan payne since his re-introduction to the blogging world, has forced me to get this blog on the go again. not that it was great in the first place. mainly me getting inspired about some fantasy team that was hardly interesting. i spent half the time posting anonymous comments on it myself.

its been sweet to be back in aussie, lots on the go right now. i probably dont have enough time to get a blog goin, but what the heck. i liken my return to something as epic as the Lord of the Rings. maybe even the return of the king. most people will fail to share this emotion, but at least this picture will guarantee that a few girls will read my blog..

congratulations to em cole - biggest awkward moment of the week. when asked about how we should approach non-christians about the gospel (in regards to sharing the news with radicals like Cho Seung Hui - the man behind the VT shootings), em replied that we should not be afraid to "bring out the big guns". great comment.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Fantasy Socceroos # 3

The Socceroos:

Tim Parr (GK)

D. Boon (RB) - B. Crocker (CB) - D. Kerrigan (CB) - D. Johns (LB)

Dizzy (RM) - Humphrey B. Bear (CM) - Joey (CM) - Eric Bana (LM)

Skippy (CF) - Sir Richie (CF)


S. Bradbury - J. Moffatt - K. Packer - R. Thistlewayte - M. Gibson

Monday, May 15, 2006

Fantasy Socceroos #2

It's time to decide on the team that is going to win us the World Cup. All of the preliminary squad have been nominated by elite members of the Australian Football Movement.


Justin Moffat -
We need a cool head at the back, one who can command the troops with wisdom, knowledge and occasional wisecracks. Definitely the delegated inspirational team talker before kick off, although there is the risk of player fatalities with the occasional outburst of passion from this inspired speaker, resulting in wildly swinging arms which are lethal at close quarters.

Tim Parr -
Undoubtedly the greatest goalkeeper to ever have an Australian sounding name.
Rumour has it that tim parr has been approached by the Australian Football Federation and has been offered a contract to become the first ever national flying goalie.

'Plugger' Lockett -
Large leaper. Expert catcher. Top bloke. Fast movement may be an issue.

The Holy Spirit -
There is no way anyone could score cause the Holy Spirit would just enter numerous bodies that would cover the entire goal.
Justin Moffatt
Tim Parr
'Plugger' Lockett
The Holy Spirit
Free polls from


Kerry Packer -
He's a bit stiff these days. .but he could buy us a win if need be, especially from a game against some Koreans or Iraqis..

David Boon -
Rough as guts with the dinky-die attitude, who could go past this moustache. Imagine the likes of ronaldinho and henry trying to outfox the agility of this man who's hobbies include tai-chi and the dance machine game at time zone.

Kim 'Fat' Beazley -
Can't beat the Fat.

Barry Crocker -
For being in the dictionary. He has also won 4 'mo' awards. In my world thats some well maintained facial hair.

John Howard -
Would be good for all the on camera stuff, hes very verbose and confident in front of an audience also a great lier which is a pre-requisite for any soccer player in the world cup as they try to convince the fans that the other team was playing dirty.

Daniel Johns -
Once wrote a song about himself, titled 'freak'. this pretty much describes his potential as wingback. freak.

Dale Kerrigan -
Could provide on-field commentary to keep the team's morale high. Extreme good looks improve overall ability.
Defenders: (Pick 4)
Kerry Packer
David Boon
Kim 'Fat' Beazley
Barry Crocker
John Howard
Daniel Johns
Dale Kerrigan
Free polls from


Robbie Slater -
Always a winner with the crowds. Be it his military issued haircut or his habit of being present with his family at Forestville RSL, the mans a winner. Germany here comes Slater.

Eric Bana -
Eric Bana could be the superstar of the team. If we triple split his personality between the Troy 'Robert Pires' look, the Mark Brandon 'Chopper' Reid and the master of kickboxing, Con Petropoulous, we would have a secret weapon to unleash...

Ray Thistlewayte -
Would slot in nicely at Centre Mid, has the desired vocal and rythmic guitar abilities to command the troops from the middle. He also has a stylish mullet with comes with some ingeniously styled facial hair - sure to attract supporters.

Jason Gillespie -
Higher top score that David Boon. Can learn any skill in just a few days. Definite possibility for any position he desires.

Russ Crowe -
Big Russell is stronger than tony carroll. And smarter than him too. Maybe.

Joey Johns -
Pure magic. whether u love the knights or only like them alot, you have to admit that his skills are probably superior to that of the best sportsman ever - david batty.

Darryl Kerrigan -

Humprhey Bear -
Tantalizing performances on live broadcasts have proven that he does not succumb to pressure and is sure to dazzle the crowds with his quick footwork.
Midfield: (Pick 4)
Robbie Slater
Eric Bana
Ray Thistlewayte
Jason Gillespie
Russ Crowe
Joey Johns
Darryl Kerrigan
Humphrey Bear
Free polls from


Sir Richie Benaud -
This man has called 500+ cricket games in his life passing the milestone in the 5th test at the Oval, Eng v Aus.

Paul Hogan -
Tbe 'real' croc hunter, all others (ie steve irwin) should be exiled. And he was a painter on the Harbour Bridge before he became an actor.

Mel Gibson -

Pretty much guaranteed to win about 5 penalties a game, based on his convincing performances in 'what women want' and 'signs'.

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo -
Set piece specialist. Has scored 100% of goals off the head.

Farouk -
The most 'explosive' goalscorer.
Strikers: (Pick 2)
Sir Richie Benaud
Paul Hogan
Mel Gibson
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo
Free polls from

Super Sub:

Steven Bradbury -
While being the top Australian Olympian in the history of the Games, he has also perfected the technique of snatching a win out of the grasp of the competition. Opposition will often end up on the ground.

Harry Potter from channel 10 news -
No reason.

Harry Potter -
Absolutely no reason.

Michael Slater -
Dazzling performances behind the mike (da-daaa...MAX) have revealed the genius that is Michael '219' Slater.

Super Sub: (Pick 1)
Steven Bradbury
Harry Potter from Channel 10 News
Harry Potter
Michael Slater
Free polls from

Duke of Norfolk's XI

I was lucky enough to be selected in the Duke of Norfolk's XI to play against the MCC unsigned county players team at Arundel Castle Ground. Our team was comprised of the Sussex Development Squad The Head of Sport at Brighton College is also a Head Coach at Sussex Cricket Club and the Duke of Norfolk has appointed him to select the team each year. The team we were playing against were the highest quality players from county sides all over England who had come through their development systems, but had not yet been signed by their respective teams. Im pretty sure that some of them will be soon though...absolute freaks.

Arundel Castle Ground is wicked...while the ground itself is enough to make it so sweet to play on, the surroundings make it spectacular. One side of the ground just falls away after the boundary and overlooks the town of Arundel. The cathedral sits just out of eyesight and rings its bells frequently, while the Arundel Castle sits adjacent to the ground and makes a good target for sixes... during my bowling. And if all this isnt enough, this ground has been rated by many international players as their favourite, and all sorts of sporting heroes have played on the Arundel Strip. I have added some photos of people playing at Arundel...

The game ended up being pretty close. They batted first and got 4/255 off 55 overs, with the last two batsmen on 51* and 102*. In reply we managed to make 7/240 off 51 overs, before the match was declared a draw. I was stoked when i got asked to open the bowling, and after being punished off my first over, hit for 12...i ended up with figures of 0/20 off 8 overs. I was scheduled to bat next at the end of the game, and was rather relieved when our no.9 managed to hang in there until the end - the fastest bowler id ever seen was on and i wasnt too keen on losing the function of any body parts.

Overall, a ripper of a day. Will never forget it.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Great Britian and Two Chavs

Gonna backtrack a bit for this one...

Went around England and Wales with Poggy 'The Phat' Boyatzis for 10 days in feb. Had a sweet as time, fairly cruisy. It ended up being 10 cities in 10 days. skills. some 'moments' included...

Cambridge- Wicked buildings, rad scenery. Besides the two students dressed in Medieval Armour fighting to the death with swords in the park, everyone was pretty normal. King's College Chapel was incredible, we stayed to hear the evensong which was pretty breathtaking.

Our first night in the hostel proved quite challenging, with showers designed by engineers who must have dropped out of primary school. It resulted in the worst shower ever, where if u stepped into the flow of the water, u turned the tap off.

Nottingham- Robin hood can die. But Trentbridge was kick ass.

York- Met up with one of my other Gappie's, Kate, who's family has just moved from South Africa to York. We went to 'Betty's', this cafe which was meant to be worth it. Mate, there is no chance it was even nearly worth it. I could have bought a car instead. It cost me about $13 for a sandwich.

Pete and I then strolled around York for the day. While our primary ambition was to find band badges for our hats, we also managed to see and climb york minster. It's big. Oh yeah. And then we trekked round the York Wall before going out for dinner with Katie and her younger brother. The waiters were bonafide retards and decided to read us the Specials of the Day three times.

Manchester- Saw Old Trafford Cricket Ground. Saw Old Trafford. Was happy.

Liverpool/Chester- Saw the KOP. Home of 'the Gerrard'. What a hero. Liverpool is the mo

st cultural city in Europe, but i failed to be that impressed, with a predominant number of the buildings being art museums. not really my style, if u dig my vibe.

North Wales- Stayed with Nain + Taid, the Grandparents of my sister's friend Lowri. We got to visit Caernaforn, Conwy and Beaumaris Castles, the actual structures were incredible, and once you were inside, the views from the towers was astounding...we even found some time to pop into the town 'Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch'.

Cardiff- Saw the Millenium Stadium. The day before the Carling Cup Final. What was the score? Oh thats right, Man U won! congratulations wigan you hacks.

Bath- My favourite place by a long shot, as cool as Peter Griffin and Kim Jong Il combined. Pretty much everything was made of sandstone and pretty much everything used to be a chapel. The stores, the hotels, the toilet block...all chapels in a previous life. The Roman Baths cost about $25 to get into, but it was well worth it, unfortunately we werent able to 'cannonball' .

Bristol- What a hole.

"Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Gweat to see you again, Hans!"

'The King is Dead.'

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Was having a chat the other night with the crew from the house, and we stumbled upon the conversation of 'natural intelligence' vs 'manufactured IQ'.

In what turned into a full-scale argument involving the throwing of homous, we finally called the matter a stalemate.My conclusion was that it is to hard to determine whether the someone's academic ability is more influenced by their natural capability at birth or the skills the develop throughout their education etc. The following points came up:

Natural Intelligence:
  1. The basic fact that some people just understand things better and are quicker to comprehend and process information. Is it genetic?
  2. Apparently intelligence is correlated with head size - big heads are a thing of beauty.
  3. MP is walking testament to the fact that the concept of 'i do no work and beat people' works.

Manufactured IQ:

  1. Academic success relies heavily upon confidence. Someone who is on top of their work will obviously be able to progress and focus their attention on understanding new work, while a struggler will be more overwhelmed by new information.
  2. Studies show that IQ is affected by school attendance - adds weight to the claims that education is the primary foundation for a human's level of intelligence.
  3. The fact that George Bush is president leads me to believe that natural intelligence does not exist, at least not in America.

Keep nominations rolling in for the Fantasy Socceroos...

46 days till we get to see the Aussies flatten Brazil. And Japan. And Croatia.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Fantasy Socceroos

After watching in frustration for years as Frank Farina employed similar team sheets and ineffective formations, the time has come for us to create a team of all-rounders who will best represent our country.

I suggest that we compile a list of the best possible 11 Australians + subs that will win us the world cup. After my recent consultations with Guus, he has decided this is a great idea. He wants to employ a 4-4-2 system and has given us the whole Australian population to choose our squad from. The time has come to put forward ur suggestions, with sound reasoning, and create the greatest team in the history of mankind (in a close 2nd is the lithuanian pole-vaulting team).

I will begin by nominating:

GK - Justin Moffatt. We need a cool head at the back, one who can command the troops with wisdom, knowledge and occasional wisecracks. Definitely the delegated inspirational team talker before kick off, although there is the risk of player fatalities with the occasional outburst of passion from this inspired speaker, resulting in wildly swinging arms which are lethal at close quarters.

RB - David Boon. Rough as guts with the dinky-die attitude, who could go past this moustache. Imagine the likes of ronaldinho and henry trying to outfox the agility of this man who's hobbies include tai-chi and the dance machine game at time zone. attackers practically give the ball to him after one look at those flaming red cheeks and harsh stubble.

SUB - Steven Bradbury. This nomination is almost unneccesary. While being the top Australian Olympian in the history of the Games, he has also perfected the technique of snatching a win out of the grasp of the competition. Opposition will often end up on the ground.

Post your suggestions here.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Madrid. Golden.

I have just returned from an awesome week in bliss. You don't appreciate the sun until you live in england - and being able to kit up in some shorts and thongs was heaven. I travelled with 4 of the gappies im living with...from left to right its Zoe (aus), Kate (s.a.), Tom (zim) and Thabo(s.a.)...and me on the end.
we spent most of the week just checkin out the city, its an amazing place. Highlights were definitely the royal palace - totally swell - and the gardens surrounging it are just way too big, the centere of town, 'puerta de sol', also tended to get quite lively at night as well.. unfortunately i spent the week living below the poverty line, trying to survive on the equivalent of $A200... sounds like heaps, but trust me, it aint.
it is so much better to be female when ur travelling! i spent all my money trying to keep my stomach content, while the ladies just got to... 'galavant'. It was also a fairly challenging week in terms of the lack of english spoken. Being an ignorant tourist, i assumed that they would at least all be able to communicate in my language. wrong. people look at you strange when u speak english. so i resorted to trying to learn spanish phrases like 'i dont understand you' and 'a big mac meal with a sprite'. it tended to work, except when once i was telling a guy that 'i dont speak spanish' and i failed to add the word spanish on the end of the sentence. he was understandably confused when i told him that 'i dont speak.'

Although hostel was quite cramped, it was tops. The rooms with 14 beds, the oblivious Costa Rican who snored in her sleep and the people that turned up at 3am in the morning, grabbing ur leg in the dark as they search for their beds....all reminded me of good old camp. out of the 9 other people in our room, i ended up having mutual friends with 3 of them, way too small a world. crazy stuff! even better was the morning half way through our week when i was leaving the hostel and walked straight into Jules Naylor, chick from my school. she was stayin at my hostel! we had an awesome chat and she had been to the bull-fighting..i never knew they kill the bulls! its absolute carnage, they spear them about 6 times and then the gay dude with the red sheet pulls out a sword and stabs it! pretty graphic stuff (surely there are some animal brigades unhappy about this?!)

While the rest of my trip didnt exactly involve watching animal slaughter, i did go to the zoo. now dont underestimate the 'x-factor' and sheer class of the zoo, it dominates many other things you might do with your day. and it confirmed to me that the rhino is definitely the most fearsome creature. we spent a day in toledo as well, which is this old town, that has an awesome structure. kinda like a cross between jerusalem and ministireth. put em together, throw a cathedral at the top of the hill, and u have toledo. they also make sweet samurai's swords there, was about to buy one but then i realised i had to eat for the next 3 days. on our last day, tom and i went to the bernabeu. it was sweet as, and although the tickets had been sold out for the weekend match, we still got to see inside. rad.

arrived back at brighton at 2:30am. sleep was sensational.

---Spanish Snaps---

Don't tell me he's not farting.

Check the 'Mo'

'Bing Lee' Pose

Crystal Palace

Definitely the Harry Potter Portkey

Centre of Madrid - 'Puerta del Sol'