Monday, May 15, 2006

Fantasy Socceroos #2



It's time to decide on the team that is going to win us the World Cup. All of the preliminary squad have been nominated by elite members of the Australian Football Movement.

GK:

Justin Moffat -
We need a cool head at the back, one who can command the troops with wisdom, knowledge and occasional wisecracks. Definitely the delegated inspirational team talker before kick off, although there is the risk of player fatalities with the occasional outburst of passion from this inspired speaker, resulting in wildly swinging arms which are lethal at close quarters.

Tim Parr -
Undoubtedly the greatest goalkeeper to ever have an Australian sounding name.
Rumour has it that tim parr has been approached by the Australian Football Federation and has been offered a contract to become the first ever national flying goalie.

'Plugger' Lockett -
Large leaper. Expert catcher. Top bloke. Fast movement may be an issue.

The Holy Spirit -
There is no way anyone could score cause the Holy Spirit would just enter numerous bodies that would cover the entire goal.
Goalkeeper:
Justin Moffatt
Tim Parr
'Plugger' Lockett
The Holy Spirit
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Defenders:

Kerry Packer -
He's a bit stiff these days. .but he could buy us a win if need be, especially from a game against some Koreans or Iraqis..

David Boon -
Rough as guts with the dinky-die attitude, who could go past this moustache. Imagine the likes of ronaldinho and henry trying to outfox the agility of this man who's hobbies include tai-chi and the dance machine game at time zone.

Kim 'Fat' Beazley -
Can't beat the Fat.

Barry Crocker -
For being in the dictionary. He has also won 4 'mo' awards. In my world thats some well maintained facial hair.

John Howard -
Would be good for all the on camera stuff, hes very verbose and confident in front of an audience also a great lier which is a pre-requisite for any soccer player in the world cup as they try to convince the fans that the other team was playing dirty.

Daniel Johns -
Once wrote a song about himself, titled 'freak'. this pretty much describes his potential as wingback. freak.

Dale Kerrigan -
Could provide on-field commentary to keep the team's morale high. Extreme good looks improve overall ability.
Defenders: (Pick 4)
Kerry Packer
David Boon
Kim 'Fat' Beazley
Barry Crocker
John Howard
Daniel Johns
Dale Kerrigan
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Midfielders:

Robbie Slater -
Always a winner with the crowds. Be it his military issued haircut or his habit of being present with his family at Forestville RSL, the mans a winner. Germany here comes Slater.

Eric Bana -
Eric Bana could be the superstar of the team. If we triple split his personality between the Troy 'Robert Pires' look, the Mark Brandon 'Chopper' Reid and the master of kickboxing, Con Petropoulous, we would have a secret weapon to unleash...

Ray Thistlewayte -
Would slot in nicely at Centre Mid, has the desired vocal and rythmic guitar abilities to command the troops from the middle. He also has a stylish mullet with comes with some ingeniously styled facial hair - sure to attract supporters.

Jason Gillespie -
Higher top score that David Boon. Can learn any skill in just a few days. Definite possibility for any position he desires.

Russ Crowe -
Big Russell is stronger than tony carroll. And smarter than him too. Maybe.

Joey Johns -
Pure magic. whether u love the knights or only like them alot, you have to admit that his skills are probably superior to that of the best sportsman ever - david batty.

Darryl Kerrigan -
Hero.

Humprhey Bear -
Tantalizing performances on live broadcasts have proven that he does not succumb to pressure and is sure to dazzle the crowds with his quick footwork.
Midfield: (Pick 4)
Robbie Slater
Eric Bana
Ray Thistlewayte
Jason Gillespie
Russ Crowe
Joey Johns
Darryl Kerrigan
Humphrey Bear
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Strikers:

Sir Richie Benaud -
This man has called 500+ cricket games in his life passing the milestone in the 5th test at the Oval, Eng v Aus.

Paul Hogan -
Tbe 'real' croc hunter, all others (ie steve irwin) should be exiled. And he was a painter on the Harbour Bridge before he became an actor.

Mel Gibson -

Pretty much guaranteed to win about 5 penalties a game, based on his convincing performances in 'what women want' and 'signs'.

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo -
Set piece specialist. Has scored 100% of goals off the head.

Farouk -
The most 'explosive' goalscorer.
Strikers: (Pick 2)
Sir Richie Benaud
Paul Hogan
Mel Gibson
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo
Farouk
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Super Sub:

Steven Bradbury -
While being the top Australian Olympian in the history of the Games, he has also perfected the technique of snatching a win out of the grasp of the competition. Opposition will often end up on the ground.

Harry Potter from channel 10 news -
No reason.

Harry Potter -
Absolutely no reason.

Michael Slater -
Dazzling performances behind the mike (da-daaa...MAX) have revealed the genius that is Michael '219' Slater.

Super Sub: (Pick 1)
Steven Bradbury
Harry Potter from Channel 10 News
Harry Potter
Michael Slater
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Duke of Norfolk's XI

I was lucky enough to be selected in the Duke of Norfolk's XI to play against the MCC unsigned county players team at Arundel Castle Ground. Our team was comprised of the Sussex Development Squad and...me. The Head of Sport at Brighton College is also a Head Coach at Sussex Cricket Club and the Duke of Norfolk has appointed him to select the team each year. The team we were playing against were the highest quality players from county sides all over England who had come through their development systems, but had not yet been signed by their respective teams. Im pretty sure that some of them will be soon though...absolute freaks.

Arundel Castle Ground is wicked...while the ground itself is enough to make it so sweet to play on, the surroundings make it spectacular. One side of the ground just falls away after the boundary and overlooks the town of Arundel. The cathedral sits just out of eyesight and rings its bells frequently, while the Arundel Castle sits adjacent to the ground and makes a good target for sixes... during my bowling. And if all this isnt enough, this ground has been rated by many international players as their favourite, and all sorts of sporting heroes have played on the Arundel Strip. I have added some photos of people playing at Arundel...

The game ended up being pretty close. They batted first and got 4/255 off 55 overs, with the last two batsmen on 51* and 102*. In reply we managed to make 7/240 off 51 overs, before the match was declared a draw. I was stoked when i got asked to open the bowling, and after being punished off my first over, hit for 12...i ended up with figures of 0/20 off 8 overs. I was scheduled to bat next at the end of the game, and was rather relieved when our no.9 managed to hang in there until the end - the fastest bowler id ever seen was on and i wasnt too keen on losing the function of any body parts.

Overall, a ripper of a day. Will never forget it.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Great Britian and Two Chavs

Gonna backtrack a bit for this one...

Went around England and Wales with Poggy 'The Phat' Boyatzis for 10 days in feb. Had a sweet as time, fairly cruisy. It ended up being 10 cities in 10 days. skills. some 'moments' included...

Cambridge- Wicked buildings, rad scenery. Besides the two students dressed in Medieval Armour fighting to the death with swords in the park, everyone was pretty normal. King's College Chapel was incredible, we stayed to hear the evensong which was pretty breathtaking.

Our first night in the hostel proved quite challenging, with showers designed by engineers who must have dropped out of primary school. It resulted in the worst shower ever, where if u stepped into the flow of the water, u turned the tap off.

Nottingham- Robin hood can die. But Trentbridge was kick ass.

York- Met up with one of my other Gappie's, Kate, who's family has just moved from South Africa to York. We went to 'Betty's', this cafe which was meant to be worth it. Mate, there is no chance it was even nearly worth it. I could have bought a car instead. It cost me about $13 for a sandwich.

Pete and I then strolled around York for the day. While our primary ambition was to find band badges for our hats, we also managed to see and climb york minster. It's big. Oh yeah. And then we trekked round the York Wall before going out for dinner with Katie and her younger brother. The waiters were bonafide retards and decided to read us the Specials of the Day three times.

Manchester- Saw Old Trafford Cricket Ground. Saw Old Trafford. Was happy.

Liverpool/Chester- Saw the KOP. Home of 'the Gerrard'. What a hero. Liverpool is the mo

st cultural city in Europe, but i failed to be that impressed, with a predominant number of the buildings being art museums. not really my style, if u dig my vibe.


North Wales- Stayed with Nain + Taid, the Grandparents of my sister's friend Lowri. We got to visit Caernaforn, Conwy and Beaumaris Castles, the actual structures were incredible, and once you were inside, the views from the towers was astounding...we even found some time to pop into the town 'Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch'.

Cardiff- Saw the Millenium Stadium. The day before the Carling Cup Final. What was the score? Oh thats right, Man U won! congratulations wigan you hacks.

Bath- My favourite place by a long shot, as cool as Peter Griffin and Kim Jong Il combined. Pretty much everything was made of sandstone and pretty much everything used to be a chapel. The stores, the hotels, the toilet block...all chapels in a previous life. The Roman Baths cost about $25 to get into, but it was well worth it, unfortunately we werent able to 'cannonball' .

Bristol- What a hole.


"Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Gweat to see you again, Hans!"

'The King is Dead.'